COVID-19 Breakups and Relationship Stress

Hi, I’m Paul Krismer. I’m your happiness expert, and today I’m coming to you from a rainy spring day in Victoria, British Columbia. I chose to stand out here in the rain because I want to reflect on how tough things are, that conditions aren’t what you want them to be, and it’s getting tough for people, particularly in their relationships. There’s a lot of stress and strain, and surveys, a recent survey out of the United Kingdom shows that couples are doing even less well in the current circumstances than they ordinarily do. This video is going to be about why that’s happening, and what we can do about it. So, let’s get to it.

As a coach, public speaker, and best-selling author, I teach topics just like this one all around the world. So, stay tuned, and I’ll give you practical tools that you can use to make both yourself and those around you both happier and more successful. So, what I want to share with you today is that this survey of the United Kingdom shows that people are feeling a tremendous amount of strain in their relationship. This is in large part because we’re spending so much time with one another in lockdown. So, if you’ve got a long-term partner, spouse, common-law partner, this kind of typical relationship issues are as much magnified in our current environment.

Things like irritating somebody, leaving their socks on the floor, seems a lot bigger of a deal if we’re already stressed out by, I don’t know, larger than concerns about our health, the concerns about our economy, the fact that our kids are home all day long. All these things are leading to the spouses becoming more difficult to be with than they were in the past. Now, there are exceptions, of course. Well, a significant percentage of couples, somewhere around 40%, are actually feeling closer in this environment. But a great many, at least 25%, are really struggling. They’re struggling in the relationship, and some significant percentage are contemplating leaving the relationships. So, these are scary times for us.

I want to say one thing: we don’t need to overreact. One of the really powerful things you can be aware of is simply that your relationships are going to return to normal when the world returns to normal. And I’m not making any promises that are going to happen anytime soon, but it is going to happen, right? This can’t be a permanent thing. So, just take that as a little boost of confidence that whatever you’re going through with your spouse right now, if it was pretty good before coronavirus hit, well, it’s probably going to be pretty good again. So, just keep that in perspective and be patient.

The second thing is this: I get help early. If things are getting really rough, and rather than storing up your grievances in your sense that your spouse isn’t meeting your needs, get help already. Talk to them, be honest. Have conversations that have a lot of “I” statements. “This is what I am feeling. This is my experience. I want. I need,” those kinds of things. And if you need clinical help, reach out and get it. It’s a perfect thing that can happen by a Zoom, and if some places are beginning to reopen, you may get in-person counseling sessions. But don’t wait if it’s bad.

And then, the third and final thing is, you know, it’s a very typical positive psychology advice, but stop and consider what you’ve made them made you love your spouse in the first place. Are there things about them that are amazing qualities that you’re in this moment taking for granted? Make a list, share it with them. And maybe when you’re in a tender moment with your spouse, if you can create a tender moment like that, ask them what it is that they love about you. And then you be prepared to share about what you love about them. So, there’s some genuine intentional coming together about why you are together in the first place. I hope all that makes sense.

I’m Paul Krismer. I’m your happiness expert. I’m glad to be with you here today. It’s raining a lot. I better get home to where it’s happy and warm. If you like this video, click the like button, share it with your friends and family, and by all means, subscribe for my challenge. You get a video like this every Sunday morning. Thanks for watching.