Don’t Be Happy. Coronavirus, March 22 Update

Hi, I’m Paul Krismer, and I’m your happiness expert. This week’s video is all about stop trying to be so damn happy all the time. That’s true, that’s what this video is going to be about, and a change of the video I had intended to send out this week. But let’s face it, things are hitting the fan out there, and if you’re in denial about that, great, enjoy your denial. But for the rest of us, reality is sinking in that things are tough, and this video is about how to recognize that, and not make the lack of happiness an addition to more unhappiness. Does that make sense? Stay tuned to this video, I’m going to tell you all about how to stop trying to be so damn happy.

As a coach, public speaker, and best-selling author, I teach topics just like this one all around the world. So stay tuned, and I’ll give you practical tools that you can use to make both yourself and those around you both happier and more successful. Okay, so here’s the reality. A lot of the time, as the happiness expert that I am, I’m teaching people techniques to feel better, to have more positive emotions, and of course, I’m all about that, I love that stuff. But there can be pressure in today’s world, where happiness is in vogue, for us to feel like we must be happy, and that there’s something wrong with us, that you’re failing somehow if you’re not feeling happy. And like, that sucks. Who needs to be told that the negative emotion you’re feeling makes you feel bad about the fact that you have a negative emotion? So you just add one negative emotion on to the other.

Right now, given what’s happening out there in the world, things are pretty weird. I went shopping the other morning, and it was just a real experience to be shopping in a store where people had a ton of masks on, their eyes bulging open, and they’re buying every last piece of toilet paper and bread that the store had. You know, don’t do that, by the way, leave some things on the shelves for other people. But I get it, people are scared, and there’s a reason to be scared. It’s not abnormal, unreasonable, or unhelpful. There’s helpfulness in our negative emotions, and the negative emotions, we should listen to them, and become to terms with them. What am I feeling in my body? Oh, that anxiety in my chest, that’s worry, or oh, down lower, my gut, that I’m afraid. Listen to that and pay attention. It’s who you really are in that moment, and those negative emotions, I’ve said in past videos, can be instructive. To say, oh, there’s some negative emotion happening here, now what should I do rationally to respond to that negative emotion? To address my limbic system’s call to arms, say there’s something going on. How do I now address that with this big beautiful prefrontal cortex that we human beings have been so blessed to have? But don’t try to bypass the negative emotion, and fail to hear what’s actually happening in your body, and especially don’t get down on yourself if you’re not feeling happy, because under certain circumstances, you may not be feeling happy.

So the goal then is to maybe not try to feel happy, but instead to feel calm. That’s the goal, that’s the quiet contented mind that can help you get through difficult times, whether it’s a pandemic or something just personal in your life going on where negative emotions arise. You listen to it, it’s a call to arms, it’s a signal that something has to shift, and then you want to calm the mind, quiet the mind. Not let the negative spiral of emotions and thoughts that further provoke the emotions go down, down, down, swirling into this toilet bowl of fear, hatred, loathing. Right, we don’t want that. Instead, we want the negative emotions to arise, oh, I see it, and then to the extent necessary, consider what rational steps you need to take in your life, to best cope with whatever the reason is that these negative emotions arose. And when you have the plan, good, I have a plan. I’ve taken care of my loved ones, I’m doing what I can to work from home, I’m taking precautions about my own personal hygiene, I’m doing the social distancing, all the things that we’re advised to do on a rational level, good. I’ve reflected on them, I have a plan, quiet the mind, quiet the plan.

It’s not easy. I sat down and meditated for 20 minutes this morning, my mind was pretty busy, and the beauty of my meditation practice, and why I encourage everybody to have some kind of mindfulness practice, is that I could see my noisy mind. By sitting to meditate and wanting to get quiet, and quiet, and quiet, and quiet, I could see, oh, there’s a thought about what I should do about this, and oh, there’s a thought about the fact that I should be offering more webinars now because I’m not doing very many live events because nobody’s holding conferences. So my brain wanted to think about the things that, well, they’re worrisome to me, but by being mindful, by having that meditative awareness, I could see what my brain was doing and be able to say, uh-huh, okay, here’s more worried thoughts, let those go. Oh, here’s a little thing that makes me feel afraid, I see it, let that go.

So my encouragement to all of you is to find some mindfulness practice that works for you. And David will put links underneath this video, and maybe he’ll put little pictures on the side of a number of videos I’ve done in the past about mindfulness. At times when we’ve got lots of reasons to have negative emotions, anxiety, fear, worry, all that stuff, to be able to quiet our own minds and not let it spiral. And moreover, there’s all kinds of evidence that when we can have a calm, contented mind, we will respond better, physically, emotionally, and mentally, to the negative threats that are around us. And so, I’m encouraging you all to quiet the mind, be calm, so that your immune system is strong, you’re thinking straight, and you’re loving the people you need to love, and making the best of what are challenging circumstances.

This week, I will bring it to you later on, but I really felt this message was important to share with you. I’m Paul Prisoner, I mean, happiness expert, and today, I’m your manage the friggin’ crisis expert, as best I can help, my modest contribution. And I strongly encourage you to share this video with anybody, your friends, family, colleagues at work, because I think a lot of people need this reminder right now. The negativity is okay, just don’t spiral in it. If you love this kind of content, subscribe to my channel. You get a new video every Sunday morning, and Google juice, YouTube juice loves it from an analytics perspective if you click the like button. So, please do that. Thanks so much for watching, and stay safe out there. Bye for now.