Feeling down? Here’s what to do.

Hi, it’s Paul Krismer, your happiness expert, and here I am in beautiful Lake of the Ozarks in Missouri. I’ve had a really good time here. I’ve been working with some mining companies and, you wouldn’t believe how many big trucks there are at this resort. It’s been a bit of a tour. I’m 10 days away from home, four different cities over eight days, and a travel day on either end: Philadelphia, Madison, Wisconsin, Kansas City, and now here. I’m headed back to Kansas City to fly home today. I love doing what I do, I choose this lifestyle. It’s a bit hard at times, you know, you’re in hotels and eating by yourself at restaurants over and over again. There are times when I feel momentarily sorry for myself, I’m lonely, I’m wishing my people were around me. Maybe this video is going to share a little bit about, hey, what do we do when we’re feeling a bit down? So, stay tuned for that.

Public speakers and best-selling authors, stay tuned to hear Paul and Jackson teach the practical science behind happiness and success. Yeah, there are so many things I could talk about how to cheer ourselves up a little bit. It’s a practical thing, we all go through it, and sometimes there’s harder periods than others where it’s more than just a little bit of blue feelings. But it’s actually, you know, depression and significant hardship. So, these tips, so long as we’re not absolutely in the fetal position in bed, unable to move, all of these tips are relevant for all of us at different times in our lives.

One of the ones that I really like, I haven’t talked about for a very long time, is savoring. It’s this idea that we deliberately daydream about some moments from our past that was really rich, wonderful, and joyful. Usually, it involves other people, people we love, but it might be an experience being in a foreign city or a movie we really like. Some kind of savoring where we deliberately just go into our imagination, set ourselves back in that time and space, and just enjoy the richness of that experience that we had. It’s sort of like mindfulness because it’s intentional in the moment but in our imagination, so there are some parallels to mindfulness practices.

That’s a good segue to the next topic, mindfulness. We just know that when we get in touch with our feelings, they’re easier to manage. Often, we’re running away from loneliness or blue moods and we’re trying to distract ourselves with social media or we eat too much or we watch movies. None of that’s very healthy for us. We need to be appreciating and recognizing our emotional states. So when we do that, even though it doesn’t feel good in the moment, if we’re being with our sadness for example, it’s way healthier than running away from our sadness.

Speaking of running, third item, get some exercise. We know that not only does it make us feel good about ourselves, we have this sense of efficacy that we can do things that are good for us, but it’s also just a really quick way to get surges of positive hormones, endorphins being the best example. It just kind of lifts us up and makes us feel invigorated and more positive. So getting any kind of exercise, and it doesn’t have to be crazy vigorous, a relatively speedy walk for 30 minutes is all we need. Then we’re getting that rush of endorphins that we’re seeking. Obviously, if we do way more exercise, if you’re on a half marathon, then you’re probably going to get more endorphins, that is true.

Fourthly, one of the things that we often do when we’re feeling down is we isolate. We don’t want to be with other people, and yet it’s the opposite of what we need to do. We’re tribal creatures by nature. So if you’re like me and you’re far away, I reach out to my sister, I call my pals back in Vegas or in Victoria. I’ve got my kids that I keep in a relationship with, and just all kinds of people that I know I’m going to reach out to, including my mom. So you know, I’m just keeping in contact with the people I love and even though they’re far away, gosh, in these modern times with the quality of zoom and Facebook messenger and all these different ways that we can stay in touch with people, it can be really quite rich and as though we’re right there with them.

Finally, one final suggestion amongst many that we could have is find a way to be nurturing your relationship with strangers. I know that sounds weird, but we feel powerful, and I’ve talked about it a few times in recent weeks. We feel powerful and capable if we can go and engage in a brief, friendly conversation with somebody who we don’t already know. The reason why this can be so powerful is we fear, to a certain extent, a little bit of rejection, which rarely happens. The barista at Starbucks isn’t going to be mean to you, so you can be pretty sure that a little bit of back-and-forth with somebody who’s a stranger will be a pleasant experience. Not only do we feel good because we feel empowered that we’re capable of these positive social relationships, we actually get these little blasts of oxytocin, the same as when we’re talking to our lovers and our best friends. It’s the stuff that binds us as communities. We get little blasts of that when we’re talking to strangers. So, it’s a simple, easy way to get out of our own head and be connected with other people. Boy, that’s thematically so true on so many things about positive psychology, to be in a relationship with the people that we care about. We can start with some strangers. Hey, that’s it for this week. Hope you have a great week ahead, and I will see you again next time. Bye for now.