The Emotional Epidemic — Loneliness

Cool, Amman, social isolation, loneliness, it’s crazy. And I mean, everybody’s feeling it right now. You got a million Zoom calls and yet you don’t get to see people in person, and there’s this ongoing social isolation. And even when you’re talking to people, you might be masked up. I mean, it’s frustrating. It might make you sad and maybe even a little bit angry. But the truth is, none of that should be shocking. That if you’re a little anxious and depressed about our social isolation that is a reality in the world right now, that’s what today’s video is about. What’s a happiness expert got to say about that? Stay tuned.

As a coach, public speaker, and best-selling author, I teach topics just like this one all around the world. So stay tuned, and I’ll give you practical tools that you can use to make both yourself and those around you both happier and more successful. So yeah, like, I’m socially isolated, I’m lonely, I have wishes things were different, as I expect many of you wish. You know, right now I’m spending a ton of time on Zoom calls which don’t feel very fun and friendly, and my social circles are much smaller than they used to be, and I go out, and I’m all masked up, but it’s not much fun.

Usually, I have wonderful times travelling around from city to city, speaking at conferences, mingling with this diverse group of wonderful people, and getting to know people all the time. Not fun, and that ain’t happening right now. And for you, your own circumstances are different than mine, but I’m sure you’ve got some similar types of issues going on. And when you kind of broaden the perspective on that and look at the overall social context that brought us to the place we are right now, well, there were some crappy trends there too.

Social media is very impersonal, people giving highlights of their lives and not going deep, texting versus talking in person, political divisiveness, especially in America, where we don’t feel like we’re part of a community anymore, we’re gonna wonder, is that us or them? Whose side are we on? That’s not how we want to live. And we have things like the huge impersonal nature of big cities or the distance we live from our families which has now become commonplace, rather than the villages we once lived in. And then you put in our current context of massive increases of social isolation because of the virus, and things are tough, and there are consequences, very real ones.

I don’t want to make light of it at all in this talk. Mental health, physical health, we know both suffer considerably from loneliness. Yeah, it’s considered as big a factor for poor health as obesity is or smoking the equivalent of 15 cigarettes per day. And loneliness is not depression, but it is related to higher levels of depression. So loneliness is a factor for depression, whereas depression is not a factor for loneliness per se. So there’s things that are just real about our current circumstances, and I just want us to be aware of it. And I think as a happiness expert, there are some practical things I can suggest you do. So let’s get to those right now.

First of all, let’s talk about mindfulness. And I know I prescribe mindfulness for so many things. That is because it is so demonstrably powerful as a positive psychology intervention. The research is just profound. When we practice mindfulness, we get an awareness of our current reality. And to be aware of reality is much better than to let the feeling of an emotion dial us down into a whole bunch of negative ruminating thoughts that over emphasize what we are feeling, rather than what’s reality. And so, if we’re socially isolated right now, that’s a reality, and to know it, be aware of it, and then deal with it as a real situation is powerful. And mindfulness makes us emotionally regulated, so we simply function better and manage our emotions better when we’re mindful. So, look to the links that they will put in the video about mindfulness. We’ve done lots of stuff on that.

The second thing I’d say is, deal with some self-care. Take care of yourself in this time when you know we’re socially isolated and feeling lonely. And there’s some really practical things we can do there. You have routines, establish healthy routines. Get up at the same time, eat healthy food, get some exercise, make plans and commit to them. Routines can include things as simple as scheduling in self-care time. So like, you take a warm bath, you do things that comfort you, you eat the nurturing, wholesome, comfort foods that we all know are so good for us. You don’t go get a pizza, eat some stew. Things like that are really good.

And comfort might be including things like doing things that you genuinely enjoy. Get involved in a hobby, be creative. You know, creative outlets are many. You could be writing, it could be art, it could be scrapbooking, it could be your home improvement projects. Being creative is a way of taking care of ourselves. And then, I kinda want to also talk about this other idea, which is just this idea that you got to go out and be out there. Whether it’s places that press your limits a little and make you uncomfortable, you know, join an online group about something that interests you. Make sure you meet with your small circle of people that you are refraining from social distancing with, whether it’s family and friends. Schedule time to do social stuff with them, even if it’s just going and watching a series of fun movies that you watched in the past. Go and do things with the people that you hang out with.

And then finally, look to altruism as a way of reducing loneliness. When we distract ourselves from our emotions, then we immediately feel better because we’re distracted. But if we actually distract ourselves with things that make us feel good, which altruism does, altruism simply being doing nice things for other people with little or no expectation of anything in return, that’s good for us. And it takes us away from our internal construct of “Oh, poor me,” to a “There’s somebody else who I can help.” So there you go, there’s some ideas about mindfulness, self-care, and then also just going out and being with the people that you need to be with.

And above all else, remember this: If your loneliness is situational, due in part to the virus, it may take a while. It’s going to be a long haul, but this situation will resolve. The virus, in due course, will have run its course, and we can get back to what was some semblance of normal previous times. Hey, if you like this kind of video, click the like button, share this content with your family and friends, and by all means, subscribe to my channel, and get a new video every Sunday morning. Thanks for watching. See you next time.