Why Social Rituals Make Us Happier

Hi, I’m Paul Krismer, I’m your happiness expert. I’m coming to you from Wisconsin, Milwaukee specifically, and I’m loving it here. It’s a beautiful early morning, out for a walk. Not only is it wonderful to be here because I’m back live in front of a real audience, which has been a little while since I’ve done that, and it just feels so good. But in addition to that, the organization I’ve been presenting and working with is the Wisconsin National Guard. There’s something that I want to reflect on in that experience with you this week. It’s about the formality of a certain amount of pomp and ceremony, a ritual that binds us, helps us create a community sense of identity, and does this beautiful job of honoring people and honoring the work that the organization does generally. So, that’s what this video is all about.

As a coach, public speaker, and best-selling author, I teach topics just like this one all around the world. So, stay tuned and I’ll give you practical tools that you can use to make both yourself and those around you both happier and more successful. Yeah, so here I am in beautiful Milwaukee, and I’ve got this gorgeous setting behind me. It’s about six in the morning, and I’ve had a wonderful time here with the Wisconsin National Guard, just genuinely warm and friendly people. I wasn’t really expecting it. I don’t know why. The degree of ceremony that they have been doing, you know, things like little rituals where they open the whole event with a color ceremony, where flags are brought in. There’s solemnity, people come in, stand at attention looking towards the flag at the front of the room, singing of the national anthem in this beautiful way. It just gave this sense of purpose and symbolism of what we’re there to do.

You know, you see this at any national sporting event. You go to a NHL hockey game or a baseball game, and they sing the national anthem, and that in and of itself is beautiful. We stop, we all stand in attention, and we feel this rise of national pride, which is, I think, generally healthy. And then, from there, we get this sense of excitement for the game that’s going to be played. Well, here at the National Guard event, it was like that, but much more so. The singing of the national anthem kickstarted a reflection on who this community is, who they serve, and why they do it. Throughout the event, there were many ritualistic things. All the speakers and people who came to the stage were given nice acknowledgments, tokens for the event. But, you know, not something to throw away, something that I’m going to keep with pride, which is not typically, and forgive me for saying this, but not typically how I receive the things that I get when I speak at various events, which are always lovely and appreciated. But here, somehow, it felt very special.

The two-star general who was hosting this event, who’s the leading commander in charge of the Wisconsin National Guard, gave me what’s called a challenge coin. It’s beautiful and was given to me with a sincere warmth, and I’m going to treasure this thing. I really am. But it goes beyond the gifts. They made a very deliberate point of making awards to various men and women, airmen and soldiers, who have served with some distinction in the past year. The past year has been challenging with civil unrest, COVID duties, and still duties in the Middle East, and just more and more demands than they’ve ever had before, something they call “Op Tempo,” where they’re working at a very high rate of speed. The stress, challenges, and the departures people make from their family, and the service that they give to their country and their community, it’s wonderful.

So, there was a number of people, maybe a dozen people, who were recognized with formal, beautiful trophies and awards, including of course the thing that will form pins on their chest as their decorated soldiers. There was something in all of this that felt proper, felt like a way of formalizing what we acknowledge in passing sometimes, the honor that we feel in our service. The military has a level of service and selfless service that few other organizations have, where these men and women are actually willing to put themselves in harm’s way in order to help society, their state, their country, the world at large. That’s not to say that militaries don’t obviously make mistakes. They do make mistakes, but people who are serving here, their hearts are in such a good place, and for the most part, 95% – I don’t know, some huge percentage of the time – they’re doing the right thing.

Serving in COVID relief, COVID management, dealing with natural disasters, civil unrest in this state which, in other parts of the United States, were very serious matters this year. They stood in place, putting themselves in harm’s way to keep society safe. The fact that they stop and very formally recognize this, including getting up and dressed in their best attire for a Saturday night banquet, all of it creates this pomp and ceremony that, on the one hand, maybe feels superficial and unnecessary, and on the other hand, it says we are here as a community, honoring one another, honoring the community that we serve in, and taking time to reflect on this significant work through a bit of ritual, pomp, ceremony, and dedicated ways of acknowledging service. All of it, I loved. I think probably many of us miss some of that in our lives. We don’t attend very many organizations that have this kind of behavior anymore, and there’s probably something for us all to learn in that.

Maybe if I were to ask you to take something away, is there somebody in your life that you love and appreciate, and that you could do something that felt a bit ritualistic, that added a little bit of formality to the way that you wanted to acknowledge their importance in your life, or their service to your family or to your community? Is there something small but formal that you could do for them? I expect that it would light them up and change their lives in a small but meaningful way. That’s all I got this week. Thanks so much for listening, and I hope to see you again next week bye for now